Some kind of sadness, looking through old albums. It feels so real yet so vague at the same time. Barely remember the saddening details yet it’s was as if you were never healed.
Can one be ever content with what they have? 2017, get a grip on yourself.
Maybe this is just one of those days.
.
.
我能有多骄傲 不堪一击好不好
Second week of new job. Upbeat energy running low.
Not a bad way of draining; the people are quite nice. But being as an ambivert, to me it’s like a thermometer being able to be responsive as well; reflects the temperature on the outside and hard to get warm back because deep down still more incline to coldness.
It’s hard to blend into a big group, just naturally someone who survives better in small group instead. So there comes a point when there are already a few extroverts people going in group, in an environment that I’m not familiar with, I just can’t do it.
When I’m feeling cold (not literally speaking of course), I can hardly warm up myself to people. Not sure if I want to change this. But for now, I guess I’ll just be cold to people who are cold to me.
💬
Well, it’s time of the year. Honestly, I don’t think resolution actually works (or maybe just me, couldn’t keep in mind in achieving them lol) but I really think it’s a good way in stating down what were you thinking in a year ago and present, and surprisingly I didn’t wrote a post about resolution for 2016. Or maybe I deleted it? Because I’m really a fan of deleting stuff I posted online.
Looking back at 2016, I’d say it’s not so a bad year. A year that I’m lost but also (kinda) found myself back. I basically wasted the first three months of the year with doing nothing at home and occasionally looking for job but didn’t get any (back then I have no idea what I really wanted to do) and eventually accepted a sales job in a local bank’s credit card department. It’s not the type of job that I think I will ever take but somehow it helped me in knowing myself better, polished my communication skill, be brave to talk to people and be a little more sociable.
Then I had an amazing first solo trip ever to Taiwan in April, got to know a few really kind people during the trip. Another small-big thing that I never thought I would have ever done is getting a tattoo done. I’ve been wanting to get one but never actually do it, always giving excuses and letting fear to stop me. I’m glad people that I’ve met in the second half of 2016 inspired me to do so. I’ve seen how they do things they want to do without letting doubts and fears in stopping them. If there’s a reason you came into my life but ain’t meant to stay, then this is the reason: to spark the fire within me to be less indecisive and chase for things that I want.
Back to 2017 resolution, I’ve listed them down, not sure whether I’ll actually achieve them or not hahahaha but it’s always good to set a few goals for yourself and keep them in check from time to time.
Be braver and better, not bitter.
And let’s be a better us by the time we’ll meet again. xx
What’s your resolution for this year?
Just a quick brief of things that needed to achieve or at least, have a slight improvement. Work has taken too much of my time that I barely get to stay up this late and write something. Perhaps I finally get to have a lot of free time during work recently and allow me to ponder about all these and decided I gotta start somewhere instead of just saying. Been looking into a few new jobs, none of those that I’m truly interested has given me any updates but I’m pretty sure I’ll accept any better offers from the rest. This isn’t a really bad job, I mean in terms of mentally growth? Lulz. Spoken about this with a close friend from work and making me all sentimental again, so much that I’ve learnt from here that I think I can find them from nowhere else. Those are enlightenment and experiences that perhaps, very unlikely can bring me to somewhere further but it does makes me a different person from now and then. Still feeling the presence of identity crisis but I’ve also starting to figuring out what kind of person I am, and who to be. Courage, courage, courage. If there is any reason some particular people who came into my life in this year, it ought to be this: to be brave and go for want you want. Not knowing what you want shouldn’t be a reason to stop going for it. “Everything that you ever wanted is on the other side of fear”. Also, most importantly, stop being dilemma, duh! Stop listening to so many voices from people around and lose your own. A friend once said that ‘the first thing that come into your mind is actually your decision but you chose to listen to all the chaos and doubt yourself.’ Maybe everything goes back to the core problem; lack of self-confidence. If I could spare a little bit of courage, confidence and independence from traveling alone! Be independent in decisions making, be confident in every steps that you’re going to take and, think twice? Yes, but not for thrice. It’s time to stop saying you’re afraid, and stop being afraid because most of the time, you only have one chance.
