2019: Don’t wish for it, work for it.

1. Travel to Korea
   • Did not manage to achieve this in 2018 and travelled to another SEA country instead. So I’ve set my mind to achieve this (with better financial ability this year as well).
2. Save money
   • Managed to (partly) get out of debt and saved up in 2018, so in 2019 I’m looking to save even more and totally get out of debt! 💪
3. Take good care of face & hair
   • I’ve been neglecting my skincare last year didn’t really bother to revisit the facial centre either, not to mention I never give a damn about my hair. Let’s take better care of the skin and hair (over 25 this year! geez)
4. Improve fitness
   • Surprisingly went back to workout life thanks to ClassPass though only 2 classes a week, but it’s a good start, been attending them regularly so hopefully in 2019 I would be able to be more active. To continue hiking and swimming since I haven’t been doing it for a while just because “I don’t have friends who do that anymore”.
5. To not envy the idea of “having a life”
   • I think I’ve been complaining a lot about not having a life, when in fact I didn’t actually want to “party/mingle around” or anything like that in the first place. So why bitter over unnecessary things like this just because “it seems like we should be living a super interesting life”.
6. Make new friends
   • Because my circle is so small lol
7. Self-control
   • I think this is the ultimate goal after all. Be it self control in spending money, or emotional control. To not stuck in a depression / overthinking state.

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fill the void

You’ll never be happy when your happiness is solely built on a person, a material, or monetary value.

It will always hurt when the ground you built it on start shaking and you’ll crumble. and you certainly can’t be competing with people who placed themselves first because that’s how things should be.

i wish i’m comfortable being with just myself so i wouldn’t be constantly seeking happiness from something else and feel bitter/insecure when it don’t live up to my expectation.

i wish i could be like them.

can i care a little bit lesser?

is that void if it’s filled with sadness?

 

Overthink or Uncover the Another Side?

Been thinking a lot recently, mostly self-reflecting. From arguments with close friends and conversation with an old pal, you begin to question a lot about yourself. “Ah, it must have been tough for other people to tolerate with me”, but at the same time why would you change for the sake of their comments? Which makes you think if you always care about people’s opinion about you, does that mean you only think of yourself? Because everything in your head starts with “I”.

“As if the world revolves around you.”

After an argument, confrontation, and reconciliation, it’s naive to think nothing will change. You began to act carefully, to not be who you were, who might hurt people you care about. Constantly having to remind yourself and having thoughts like that makes you no longer happy, because deep down you are very anxious about every word and action you’re about to take; afraid the history might repeat. And now, you just constantly question your feeling of being left out and less likable, whether it’s true or you have overthought.

患得患失

Realise what a terrible person you are made you really sorry and apologetic to people you have hurt in the past and yet too coward to say sorry. You do not feel deserve for all the love you have received. You once thought the one who constantly makes efforts will eventually wear out and unhappy but the truth is, you’re burdened from everything you have received because you couldn’t repay them equally.

So many things going on in my mind recently but I have no one to talk about them. Will things be okay if I ignore them or eventually screw up because I’m not doing anything?

I want to be perfect not that horrible person, without losing myself. But what if being a horrible person is what makes me, me?

I’m being self-centered again, isn’t it…

 

 

 

 

 

 

Do What You Love in 2018

A year has passed and 2017 was an amazing year and kind to me. I’ve traveled to a few places, had fun in music festivals and other social occasions also met a couple of good friends. I’m just too lazy to write everything here since all are updated on my Instagram anyway (Instagram make me even lazier to write a post👀).

Looking back at last year resolution, though I did not fulfill all of them it’s great to trace back what I wished to achieve last year.  So finally, I decided to pen down my this year resolution.

 

1. Travel to Korea

I started to think about this routine of one year travel to a budget country, then the next year to a cant-really-budget country. I’ve been wanting to visit Korea and Japan, but I’m gonna put Korea on my bucket list, hoping to attend my favourite boy group’s concert if there’s any. So I really need a better financial plan since non-promotion flight ticket going to cost at least $300.

2. Eliminate Debt & Better Financial Planning

I certainly don’t expect I would master the skill of financial planning in just one year, which is why this year is sort of like a ‘Saving 2.0’ thingy. Last year, I hardly managed to save up for 2 trips and a few concerts and music festival. This year, aside from saving up for my No.1 Goal,☝️ I’m hoping to save up at least one-month of an emergency fund as well (since I’m turning 25 this year: more responsibility), in which I’ve started contributing a monthly fixed saving and set up recurring payment; no more excuses for late payment or keep checking saving account.

3. Read More

Last year, I’ve set to not buy any new books until I finish what I haven’t. The good thing is I managed to not purchase any new books but I did not finish my books yet. It was around last quarter of the year, I got addicted to mobile games and the majority of my time spent on mobile games. Regardless of how many books I’ll finish this year, the serious addiction in mobile games has to stop.