Shattered & Rebuild

Out of nowhere, this realization pops up my mind and hit me so hard. Back then, you’ve always told me that “you’re funny” and I’d be angry at you because I didn’t like the idea of being a funny person, I didn’t quite understand what you meant. I didn’t quite like to accept compliments, in fact I never learn to accept compliments and critiques. All these time, I’m busy being hard on myself.

I hated whenever you say I’m funny, truth is I hated myself. How could I accept love from someone else when I don’t even love myself. I’ve been a tough person to love when I’ve been rejecting people to come close, from all the negative vibes I surround myself with; all the hatred I’ve been giving myself.

What a shame that it took me this long to realize what you meant back then. What a pity. *Deep breath* *Heart-aching*

Start from now, do it now. Embrace yourself. Accept criticism and compliments. If you want something/someone badly, make an effort. In the end, we only regret on chances that we didn’t take. Only from loving yourself that you could allow someone else to love you. Never explain yourself. Don’t ever feel sorry for who you are. Embrace, embrace yourself. Give yourself a break, pat your shoulder, you’ve come far enough. It’s never too late to start the change you want to see.

You came for a reason, a lesson that I’ve finally figure it out now. 

Featuring #MOTW 5 . Perfect for now.

My First Solo Travel – Taiwan April 2016

第二次出國、第一次一個人的旅行。

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是一個幸運且不幸運的旅程。

不幸運的是在順時鐘的旅程,從高雄出發 就一直下雨。台灣連續下了一個星期的雨,而我也從高雄至台北都一直在雨中。雖然非常喜歡雨 可是難免也有一點厭煩起來,畢竟是趟背包旅行,雨天讓好多戶外活動或地點都得取消或者淋濕的狀況下進行。可是當然幸運的是,這一路不斷遇見的小夥伴,而這幸運比不幸運更為重要。

這一路的旅程,好幾個當地台灣人碰見我一個人都不禁問我“怎麼不找一個伴一起來旅行?” 還隨接著“你好勇敢喔”之類的話。雖然長著一副很安全的樣子,身形也看起來比一般女生強(大隻啦吼)但其實我真他媽的就是個膽小鬼。然後都會尷尬地笑一笑。

相比起身邊旅行回來的朋友,我倒是沒他們口中說的那種渴望短期內再去旅行的心情。或許一開始期待的太多,也或許沒抱太多的期待。機票是一年前買的,不太記得當時買下一個人的機票的想法,可大概就是一種“真的好想去旅行!”的心態而買的。一年後也差一點因為旅費不足而取消,但最後還是去了,而且還是出發前兩天才開始策劃行程所以功課做不太足。也在匆匆而來的情況下就搭上了去高雄的飛機,而當時在飛機的想法只是:我真的現在一個人就去旅行了?哈哈哈 真正一個人旅行的理由反而是在旅程結束后才知道。

當初買機票的心情是一種他媽超想去旅行而買,因為不想總是羨慕身邊的人能去旅行。在開始成長、畢業后的人生,好多好多事情都不行總等著想要的事情自己發生。You have to be the change you want to see. 不想總是因為家庭背景環境因素等等而阻礙自己去做想做的事。比告白還容易的事,幹嘛還考慮那麼多?!“旅行不應該是獲得什麼,而是啟蒙了你什麼”,很喜歡這句。在履行后的想法是,一個人旅行好孤獨可是還是會繼續一個人旅行!旅行並沒有想象中的那麼讓人脫胎換骨或是讓人對人生有什麼莫大領悟的,或許得去一趟西藏或印度或什麼的哈哈哈。旅行后,面對的是真正人生。這下畢業也好幾個月,想清楚了未來幹嘛的嗎?沒。還是沒什麼想法,但至少清楚不能再懶散的過日子。我不知道人生應該怎麼樣,更不知道人生是不是得像大家形容的那樣,但我知道這是我的人生。

旅行就像人生。一路上會遇見很多過客。有些在你人生輕描淡寫了一小段的故事,有些卻深刻的留下了一整頁紙的故事。以一種未知數好好珍惜生命的過客,因為你根本不知道是否還會有機會再見這些過客。旅行中,也會遇上很多很多人,不斷告訴你哪裡應該去,哪裡不應該去;哪裡無聊透頂,哪裡精彩無比。可那終究是他們的旅途,他們的感受又怎能拿來當標準。一個人的旅行重要的是自由,自由選擇幾點起床,自由選擇今天想匆忙趕行程還是悠閒的把整個下午留在咖啡館,因為那終究是你一個人的旅行,不需要向任何人負責的旅行。或許一下之間決定自己人生該怎麼樣是魯莽從動的,我們都需要時間因為並不是每個人都像那些意志堅定目標清晰的人一樣,但至少,希望我們都有堅持下去的勇氣。

在這一趟旅程遇見了無數過客。有好幾個小夥伴都是逆時針環島都不禁讓我感歎自己是否做錯了決定,如果自己也是逆時針環島,那或許抵達台北時,天氣不會是雨天或隱隱的,或許就可以到象山看夕陽,上101觀景台什麼的。可是哪來那麼多的如果。如果我逆時針環島了,或許我就不會遇見順時針環島時遇見的小夥伴們了。陪我在日月潭踏自行車,買水果也被詐而組成被詐三人組、晚上陪我走會青旅陪我吃我一直吵要吃的牛肉麵、陪我裝逼幫我拍假文青照、陪我喝台灣啤酒而我卻是喝不完的那個。當然在墾丁遇上的白目夥伴就算了,但如果沒有這些小夥伴我也很難想象這趟旅程會是怎麼樣的一趟旅程。一個人的行旅,是孤獨的,而這些孤獨都知道因為想拍照卻找不著人,想吃的卻沒多一個胃陪你分享。反之得到的是物質上無法衡量的價值。

目前並沒有特別想去的地方,或許得選的話就是香港吧,去找一找小夥伴。:D 23歲的領悟,別猶豫。Stop holding yourself back. 想做的就去做。一個人旅行有些孤獨,可我就是想愛上這份孤獨,愛上一個人。我總不可能干等人生里冒出個人陪我做我想做的事。不是所有的事都非得兩個人才能完成的,兩個人有兩個人的快樂,一個人也會有一個人的體驗。I’ve decided to stop waiting for thing to happen itself.

一年的旅行經驗有好有壞,旅行並沒有帶來多麼驚人的成長。在我看來只是比較多時間陪伴自己,懂得正視生命中的缺角,更重要的是會微笑了。—— 藍白拖 《給回來的旅行者》

 

 

 

10 Ways Journaling Makes You a Better Writer

Live to Write - Write to Live

Journaling is a self-indulgent, narcissistic waste of time. It’s nothing more than self-administered therapy – the writer simultaneously on the couch and in the psychiatrist’s chair, endlessly picking apart the minutiae of her life to no good end. Time would be better spent alphabetizing the spice cupboard.

I disagree.

I have kept journals on and off since I was seven years old. My entries have ranged from copies of Shakespeare’s poems to what I did today to philosophical musings to documentation of the soap opera antics of the teenage years. I have professed love, eschewed love, and pined after lost love. I have envisioned my future, questioned my past, and reveled in my present. I have railed against the world and explored the dark and sparkling caves of my inner self. I have written letters that were never sent and scrawled meaningless sentences of disconnected prose just to keep my…

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MOTW #3 & #4

A quick sums up for the past two weeks!

The Currents album by Tame Impala is nothing new but I’m still obsessed about it. As you might know, I personally fond of chill type of music and Tame Impala’s is just freaking chill and sexy for anytime when you needa calm down or during a midnight drive. The Less I Know The Better is one of the main hits of the album and it’s one of my favourite especially with their exceptional intriguing MV shown in a metaphorical(?) way with a bit of 18sx. Yet the story line actually speaks about the sadness of the main character for unable to win over the girl from the ‘gorilla’ so he do not want about their details and hence the title of the song. Another favourite of mine from the album is Disciples. 😉

It’s a Korean song again. #sorryimnotsorry. I was stunned by Lee Hi’s singing skill, and honestly it’s one of the very few foreign language songs that really moved me. Before her new first half album released, I didn’t know about her at all lol cause I’m didn’t watch any episode of the Kpop Star singing competition. So if you’re a Korean music fan, definitely check her out and this slightly emotional song about comforting the tired and nearly-give-up people that it’s okay to sigh, it’s not to not pretending to be okay. 😦